Walking Papers

Things have gone far again enough to break the camel's back this time around. Its quite a shock to get such on my email tonight. I've come to the realization that there are limits to one's patience and consideration.

Email I checked really got me in the gut as something I have dreaded yet anticipated on its inevitable import to me. It was more like being shot with a 10 gauge shotgun at close range with either choice of solid slug or anti-personnel flechette with its entire payload expended.

I'll not get into the exact content or wording of it. Its suffice to say that its an equivalent of getting a termination notice from an employer, even though I'm unemployed for sure. To be more correct, its more of a termination of a partnership as well as contract with something.

It pretty much presented a paradigm shift of some import for me as to some of the steps I'm doing with my life and how to conduct things.

A few more life-changing incidents of this sort would get my life sorted out as well as affecting my perspective on things as a person.

It still boggles me as to my current position in life, which is yet to be described or directed to and how I am as an individual.

I have to proceed with whatever plans or actions I need to undertake for myself. As another friend of mine told me earlier: "Some things happens as a means to grow and move on with things no matter what hand you are dealt with." Its not exactly a verbatim quote but it follows along that line.

As my other friend were to look at it from the outside and towards the big picture of it, its a path presented in this tapestry of life that is to be undergone in order to grow and improve. I feel more of it as regret as to the current decisions I have made with my creative outlet on this blog and newer associations with other people. Admission of guilt matter with those mentioned decisions would be conveniently described "wanderlust" and my current distraction-prone nature as of now. My channels and focus are not exactly what they are now compared to say 11 years ago involving a now obscure comicbook title called "Flashpoint".

I wonder to myself at this conjecture as to my interaction with other people who're more responsible, creative and successive than the current deadbeat that I am of late. Does my presence get any improvement as I bask in their presence? One of the possibilties that niggled my mind out of guilt is that: Does it forsake or neglect those I have associated in past for so long that it becomes rather routine?

As I look at it from the outside, I do see a need to socialize and experience something new outside of the normal routine I've been in the past decade or so. This is also of note as to how other people have changed and moved on in their own respective paths.

As I have noticed nowadays, there is a major wave of creative talent getting their projects up and running while the past glories of old are now gone and in the shadows. Myself, on the other hand, ain't exactly on par or equally talented as a writer or artist for that matter. I feel more like the most isolated element outside the fringe element for sure in obscurity, capability and talent. Any potential? Not sure. Many questions of my worth are pretty much hanging and on the line in connection to my life.

Quite a downer to say for myself, yah? Its just me going into the metaphorical "pit" to wallow in my own pity and despair until its time to pick up oneself up and move on until something happens again to put us back into said "pit".

I will not linger and ramble much more on this matter. I'll have to do some part-time soul-searching to sort myself and my life after clearing out the burden first to get a more clearer view of things and looking to other people to help me through.

This is pretty much one of those "down" moments people say about it on the wheel of life.